Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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