Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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