I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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