i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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