You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
