Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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