you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
