So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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