I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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