We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
