I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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