I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
