Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
