i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
