Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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