My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
