My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
