Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
