We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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