smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
