Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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