To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
