boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
