Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
