If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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