literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
