i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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