I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
