So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
