the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
