Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
