Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
this hospital has no fireball
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize