quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
