I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
