And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
