Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
