You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
