i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
