I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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