I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
