Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Farmville is her only friend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
