forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
