I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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