If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
