I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
