Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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