The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
