hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
