mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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