I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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