am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
