a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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