I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
