she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
