DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
