I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
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