I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
